Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Episode 109: Theodore Rex Novelization Writing Challenge!

This is the big one! Our annual Novelization Writing Challenge, where instead of critiquing a crappy novelization, we take it upon ourselves to WRITE one! Our good friend Tim the Stats Man provides each guest/writer with a transcript of scenes from a terrible film - that we haven't seen - and we do our best to write them ourselves, putting together everything we've learned from doing this show!

This year's book is based on the wretched Whoopi Goldberg and an animatronic T-Rex buddy cop movie Theodore Rex! This year's challengers are: Jess, Luke, Lizzy Unpronounceable, Courtney Coulson, Suzanne, and Xavier! This is our final show for the year and it is our biggest show ever!

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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Episode 108: Jack Frost (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week our festive coverage continues as we dive into the giant Christmas turkey that is the novelization of Jack Frost! No, not the horror movie where Shannon Elizabeth gets assaulted in the shower - we're talking about the Jack Frost where Michael Keaton dies in a car accident and comes back as a creepy snowman puppet! And joining me for these horrific mixed messages is the steel-nerved Jacinta! And rest assured we're going to get to the bottom (ball) of this!

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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Episode 107: Jingle All the Way (with guest host Sabrina!)

This week our holiday bonanza continues as we dare to read the festive fiasco that is the novelization of Schwarzengger goes shopping shocker Jingle All the Way! And caring about as much as I do as to whether or not Baby Anakin Skywalker gets some stupid toy is the always wonderful guest host Sabrina! Prepare to deck the halls with terrible impersonations! GET TO DA SHOPPAH!

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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Episode 106: Batman Returns (with guest host Lia!)

This week we begin our Book Was Better holiday programming, when we return to Gotham City at Christmastime for the barely-contains-any-Batman novelization of Tim Burton's bizarrely troubling Batman Returns! And the other half of our dynamic duo this week is the always awesome guest host Lia! Bats! Cats! Penguins! And a monkey with a gun? It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Episode 105: Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked (with guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable)!

This week we skip straight to the third, and no doubt very best Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, when we read the riveting novelization of Chipwrecked! Which is a clever play on words! And joining me is our own adorable chipmunk Lizzy Unpronounceable! This is going to be great, right? Right!? Chipmunks!

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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Episode 104: Zardoz (with guest host Violet!)

This week we journey back to the heady days of the late seventies when we read the novelization of the freakishly trippy Zardoz. The short version: hairy Sean Connery in a red mankini catching women in a net while his God - a giant floating stone head - vomits guns. I swear I'm not making any of this up! And to verify these wild claims is first time guest host and catch of the day: Violet! Convert to the cause by downloading now!

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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Episode 103: Maleficent (with guest host Sabrina!)

This week evil, flying, baby-tormenting terrorists get twisted into heroes as we read the novelization of Disney's Maleficent! Now with even more shoehorned backstory than the film! And joining me on this thorny adventure is long absent guest host Sabrina, who has been released from captivity to share her thoughts! We'll put a spell on you! Well... at least inside your ears!

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Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Episode 102: The Cabin in the Woods (with guest host Lauren!)

This week our Halloween coverage continues as we venture into the twisting, turning labyrinth of lies that is the novelization of The Cabin in the Woods. And joining me is American (and therefore Halloween expert) Lauren, who bravely helps me uncover the truth! And it turns out that zombies are the least of the protagonists' problems - is the monster of misogyny about to rear its terrible head?

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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Episode 101: The Lost Boys (with guest host Courtney Coulson!)

We're back after our post #100 hiatus! And to get the Halloween pumpkin rolling we read the chilling novelization of Joel Schumacher's The Lost Boys, in which the vampires aren't just covered in blood but also embroidered denim! And joining me is none other than self-professed vampirologist Courtney Coulson! Cry little sister, thou shall not fall! Plus - I rewrite the epic saxophonist scene! Don't miss it!

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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Episode 100: License to Drive (with Jess McLeod!)

This week we celebrate our 100th Episode! Can you believe we've not only made it this far, but have read so many (mostly) terrible movie novelizations along the way! And who better to co-host our 100th than original BWB host/founder, the amazing Jessica McLeod! And if that's not enough, we have two Corey's blazing as we read the largely offensive novelization of eighties tame teen sex car romp License to Drive! Plus we take a look back at the past 100 episodes with the first ever Book Was Better Awards, as nominated and voted on by you the listeners! Best Animal Protagonist? Most Obnoxious Padding? Worst Written Book? We reveal all in this special movie length episode!

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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Episode 99: The Sixth Sense (with guest host Lia!)

This week we see dead people when we read the surprisingly thin novelization of M. Night's supernatural thriller The Sixth Sense! And joining me to unravel this tale of Bruce Willis being alive and well and certainly not a ghost, is the always awesome Lia, returning for a second time to the show! Will young box-headed Hayley Joel be scratched to death by ghosts? Find out it our last episode before the big 100th show!

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Episode 98: Prom (with guest host Lauren!)

This week I learn all about the strange, arcane rituals of America's proudest tradition, The Prom, when we read the novelization of the Disney movie you've never even heard of, aptly titled: Prom! And who better to teach me than an actual real-life American, the lovely Lauren who was kind enough to accept my promposal and be my date! Join us as our two great countries collide for a rollicking epic new episode of BWB!

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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Episode 97: 30 Days of Night (with guest host Courtney!)

This week we delve into the endless darkness when we read the novelization of shark-like vampires attack epic 30 Days of Night! And joining me on this month of monster madness is self-professed Vampirologist Courtney Coulson! Can we make it through the full 30 days? Find out in our own vampire diaries!

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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Episode 96: Batman and Robin (with guest host Jacinta)

This week we have an ICE time when we read the novelization chronicling the sad, lonely adventures of Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin! And sliding down the pole with me this time is fellow FPcast host Jacinta! Will our dynamic duo get a FROSTY reception? SNOW! COLD! BRRRRR!

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Episode 95: Alien vs. Predator (with guest host Brett!)

This week we mediate between two ancient foes as we trawl through the unnecessarily massive novelization of AVP, or, Alien vs. Predator. But don't panic, I've assembled an expert team of... well, Brett. Brett is the guest host, and we're going to do everything we can to make these belligerent alien and predator bastards kiss and make up! Whoever wins, YOU lose!

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Episode 94 - Krull (with guest host Courtney Coulson!)

This week is an epic quest back to 1983 when we read the verbose Alan Dean Foster's turgid novelization of sci-fi/fantasy mash-up Krull! (And yes, this one really DOES have Liam Neeson in it!) And who better to join me on my hero's journey than plucky squire Courtney Coulson who does her darndest to derail me! Get a glaive all up in yo' grill!

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Episode 93: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (with guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable!)

This week we thrill as a naked robot woman travels from the future to kill wretched hobo John Connor for the third time, as we read the epically PADDED 450 page novelization of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines! Luckily my plucky companion on this laborious trek is the wonderful Lizzy Unpronounceable and we manage to talk about a whole lot of other fun stuff along the way! We told you we'd be back, and holy crap - here we are!

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Episode 92: X-Men 3 The Last Stand (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week there's no cure for our mutant abilities, which mostly consist of being able to get through the entirety of Chris Claremont's epic novelization of X-Men 3: The Last Stand. Can the writer of the comics do better than the movie? Or was this one doomed from the start? Joining me is X-(wo)Man Jacinta of the FPcast! SNIKT SNIKT, bub!

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Episode 91: The Disaster Artist (with guest hosts Greg Sestero and Jacinta!)

Taking a break from the normal slog of awful novelizations, we thrill at a genuinely wonderfully written book, The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside "The Room", the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made. Author Greg Sestero, best known for playing that cheating bastard Mark in the cult film has written all about his experiences behind the scenes, as well as his bizarre relationship with writer/director/actor/maniac Tommy Wiseau. And - best of all - Greg Sestero himself joins Jacinta and I on this special episode for a 20 minute chat where we harangue him about his adventures! Put this one into your head as soon as you possibly can! More about the book HERE.

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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Episode 90: Poltergeist (with guest host Courtney Coulson!)

This week we scare the crap out of ourselves by reading James Kahn's novelization of the Hooper/Spielberg attacked-by-a-toy-clown classic: Poltergeist! Luckily I'm joined by the intrepid - and virtually fearless - Courtney Coulson, who still, after all these years, is not afraid of no ghost. This film is a classic pants-pisser and yet, could the book actually be better than the movie? This one is going to shock you, folks!

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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Episode 89: The Babysitter's Club (with guest host Lia!)

This week we expose the inner workings, poor financial decisions, and ruthless management of doomed business enterprise The Babysitter's Club, as we trawl through the confusing novelization of the film of the same name! Luckily I am joined by first timer and BSC veteran, Lia, who helps me keep track of which one is the dyslexic, artsy girl, and which one is the paranoid maniac with delusions of grandeur. Sorry we skipped a couple of weeks but we are back with a mighty vengeance!

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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Episode 88: Frozen! (with guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable!)

Do you want to build a snowman? Huh? Do you punk? This week wonderful guest host, Lizzy Unpronounceable, and I ask that very question as we frolic in the wintery wonderland of the junior novelization of Disney's Frozen. What's left when you strip back all the songs? You're about to find out. (But not if you're a kid! This episode is not for teh childrenz). GRAB IT!

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Episode 87: Godzilla (1998) with guest host Suzanne!

This week we celebrate the 2014 good Godzilla by reading the junior novelization of 1998's wretched, embarrassing, pregnant Godzilla (aka GINO, or Godzilla In Name Only!). Why is this Godzilla so weird looking? Why isn't he the heroic King of the Monsters? Who got him pregnant - Hank Azaria or Matthew Broderick? Guest host Suzanne and I are about to find out!

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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Episode 86: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week we journey into Sherwood Forest where we get-not-so merry with the massive novelisation of Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I'm joined by Jacinta who actually unironically loves this film, although I'm going to take a lot more convincing. Who will prevail in this battle of wills?

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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Episode 85: Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band! (with guest host Tim!)

This week guest host Tim (the Stats Man) makes his triumphant debut as we read the epically long and confusing novelization of Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. You remember that one from the late seventies, right? It's the animated - no wait... LIVE ACTION... movie starring the Beatles... no wait... starring the Bee Gees. What? Wait... Wait... WTF did I just read and watch??

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Episode 84: Karate Kid Part II with Jessica McLeod!

This week the amazing Jessica Fricken' McLeod returns as we delve into the luxuriously thin novelization of the completely insane Karate Kid II! HAI! POW! KICK! ETC! Jess is back, you guys, that's all you need to know!

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Episode 83: Gremlins! (with guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable!)

This week we break all the rules when we get mischievous with the great George Gipe's novelization of Gremlins! Joining me is fan-favourite guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable who, much like the titular creatures of the books, starts out fuzzy and adorable and becomes increasingly violent and aggressive! Is this another Gipe classic, or a bloated misfire? Find out by wading through our biggest episode yet!

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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Episode 82: Dragonheart! (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week there's no fooling when we delve into the blistering LXII pages of the Dragonheart junior novelization! And joining me to make fun of Dennis Quaid is legendary FPcast co-host Jacinta! Have you ever spent a night in a dragon's mouth? Come and hear about someone who has!

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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Episode 81: Beast Lords (with guest host Courtney Coulson!)

This week we delve into the obscure but wonderful novelization of 1983's Conan-wannabe schlockfest, Beast Lords! If you grew up with this film, then you know why I'm excited, and if you're a newcomer then prepare to have your mind BLOWN. This one isn't what you expect! And joining me is long-time favourite Courtney Coulson! So unleash the beast, this is not to be missed!

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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Episode 80: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (with guest host Brett!)

This week we journey back to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, as we check in on the brand new adventures of teen sand-hater Anakin Skywalker as he tackles the biggest attack of the clones scenario ever in the mercifully brief junior novelization of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones! And joining me on this adventure is intrepid comic book evangelist Brett! Is the new stuff better than the old stuff? Stick this in your noggin and find out!

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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Book Was Better Podcast Episode 79: Pacific Rim! (with guest host Xavier!)

How do you take a bunch of giant robots punching the crap out of giant monsters and make it completely uninteresting? We're about to find out as we read the thickly padded snoozefest that is the novelization of Guillermo Del Toro's Pacific Rim! Joining me on this journey to the bottom of the ocean is star of fellow Australian podcast Something Something Joystick! Will we be more realistically Australian than the characters in the book/film? There's only one way to find out!

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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Episode 78: NIght at the Museum (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week we spend a wacky and fantastical night at the museum when we read the tepid novelization of - you guessed it - Night at the Museum! Joining me for this unbridle dinosaur bone and Hun fun, is FPcast co-host Jacinta! How did a beloved, magical movie go so, so wrong? Plus crazy Dad stories!

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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Episode 77: Red Heat! (with Jessica McLeod!)

This week original host Jessica McLeod makes a triumphant return visit as we try to wrap our pretty heads around the America vs Russia/Belushi vs Schwarzenegger madness that is the novelization of Cold War buddy cop classic Red Heat! Did any of that make sense? This book and movie doesn't make any damn sense. But Jessica is back so let's break out our worst Arnold impressions and go to town! This is Old Skool BWB at its finest!

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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Episode 76: Terminator 2! (with guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable!)

This week we finely-tuned future people travel back to the turbulent nineties where we set our sights on the novelization of robo-Arnie blockbuster Terminator 2! Joining me through time is adorable guest host Lizzy Unpronounceable who you may remember helped me battle the sickening forces of Shaun Hutson's explicit sex-fuelled adaption of the original Terminator. Now, this book isn't quite so sexy... and yet we still found it to be relatively sexy. Hasta la vista! Whatever that means!

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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Book Was Better Podcast Episode 75: Labyrinth! (with guest hosts Laura and Hannah!)

This week we keep it all in the family as my two sisters - Laura and Hannah - and I journey to the very heart of the labyrinth! That's right - we're reading the super rare novelization of Jim Henson, George Lucas, David Bowie and Terry Jone's crazy eighties goblin-filled acid trip: Labyrinth. So if you're ready for some dance magic, jump magic, then stick it in your ears like it's David Bowie's codpiece!

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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Episode 74: Flash Gordon! (with guest host Jacinta!)

FLASH! AH-AHH! This week we rocket to the gaudy 1980 to read the novelization of meathead-with-his-own-name-on-his-T-shirt science fiction epic Flash Gordon! Joining me this week is fellow space traveller Jacinta, as we delve into this absolutely crazy deviation from the film, filled with crazy sexual deviation! Wait... How did this PG film become so unabashedly twisted and sexy? Listen and find out!

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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Episode 73 - Man of Steel! (with guest host Courtney Coulson!)

 The Book Was Better podcast makes it's triumphant return for 2014 as we read and discuss the slapped together novelization of Zack Snyder's pumped up, city-destroying, screamfest, Man of Steel! And by my side this week is plucky boy (but actually a girl) reporter, Courtney Coulson, as we try desperately to make sense of a movie that we loved being adapted into a book we didn't like. We're back! And we are metaphorically firing lasers out of our eyes! LET'S DO THIS!

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