Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Episode 33: Santa Claus: The Movie!

Does the holiday season fill your heart with joy and goodwill? Well clear that crap out with a good dose of Santa Claus: The Movie: The Novelization. Death, homelessness, rejection and greed are the themes of this holiday "favourite," so spike the eggnog and get ready to cry.


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Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Episode 33 TEASER!

A Very Special Christmas Teaser! We have an announcement about 2013 and it's a big one. Please tell us you still love us!

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Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Episode 32: Honey, I Blew up the Kid!

Remember Honey I Shrunk the Kids? That was a pretty fun movie! Well, here is its joyless cash-in sequel and its even more depressing, more blatant-cash-grabbing novelisation. Enjoy!


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Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Episode 32 TEASER!

We've got a BIG episode coming up! You might say we really STRETCHED ourselves this time! Just thinking about it gives me a LARGE headache! Oh, just listen to the teaser.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Episode 31: High School Musical 2!

Have you missed Troy and Gabriella? Been wondering what Sharpay is up to? Completely forgotten who Chad is? Well hoops doggies, we're tackling the novelization of High School Musical 2 this week, so get ready to sing along!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Episode 31 TEASER!

Luke and Jessica got a bunch of presents! Would you like to hear them open the package in real time?!? Of course you would!

Also, find out which SEQUEL to a BWB classic they'll be reading next week for your sick, twisted pleasure.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Episode 30: Buffy the Vampire Slayer!


Are you all Halloweened out? Sick of spooky stuff? Then you'll love our new episode, because the only thing frightening in this novelization is the terrible dialogue!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Episode 30 TEASER!

It's almost Halloween, and we've chosen a novelization so dated, so shallow and so stupid it will CHILL YOU TO THE BONE!!! Listen and find out what it is... IF YOU DARE!!!


Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Episode 29 : Alien Resurrection

This week we make our triumphant return to the Alien franchise with the book of a movie that you hate but we love! What happens when Joss "Avengers" Whedon teams up with Jean-Pierre "Amelie" Jeunet when filtered through the blood-thirsty gaze of author A.C. Crispin? Gory, crazy mayhem that will make you think twice about having children!


Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Episode 29 TEASER!

In our next episode we're revisiting a franchise we've wept over before. What could it be?!? Join us to find out!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Episode 28: Avatar: The Last Airbender

More like the last FARTbender, am I right? Ugh. The sparkling and meaningful dialogue of Avatar: The Last Airbender only really comes alive when spoken by bored teenagers, written down in a novel, then read aloud by us. Take me to the spiritual place!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton




Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Episode 28 TEASER!

Oh boy. This film is a famous trainwreck and the book is no better. Well, it's shorter.

Join us for some fascinating insight into the novelization industry, as well as feedback and of course the answer to your question: which terrible, horrible film am I supposed to be watching this week?

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Episode 27: Seeing Double!

Are you ready for double the bad dialogue? Double the faux-celebrities? Double the dated references? Well sit back and enjoy this episode, the cash-in novelization of the cash-in movie of the manufactured pop group S Club. You'll love it, or double your money back!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Episode 27 TEASER!

WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THIS?!? This teaser episode is scandalously late, but let's not point fingers. Let's focus on the fact that we are going to reveal perhaps our strangest book ever, one that is so obscure that you've probably never heard of it... but don't let that put you off, because it's completely insane.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Episode 26: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

By the time you finish reading the title, you'll be exhausted. Imagine how we feel-- we read a 5 million page novel about it! Join us as we complain, moan, disagree about the artistic merit of the series and make stupid dick jokes.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Episode 26 TEASER!



Wind, rain and hail can't keep Jess and Luke from getting together to talk about their feedback and the next book they've had to read!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Episode 25: The Net!

Have you always wanted to know how the Internet works, but been too embarrassed to ask? Well, this is your lucky day, because Luke and Jessica are going to read the novelization of The Net and explain it all to you. It's very complicated and frightening!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Epsiode 25 TEASER!



We're not going to lie: this is a really good teaser episode. It's got exciting news, thrilling feedback, and most importantly, Luke and Jessica are in the same room at the same time!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Host: Luke Milton

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Episode 24: Willow!

Do you have fond memories of this film? Then you probably haven't watched it recently! But Jess and Luke have read the junior novelization, and they want to share their pain.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Episode 24 TEASER!

OK, this time it's Jessica's fault. She's sick and she's left Luke to handle things on his own yet again. But he's doing his best, so be nice to him, and listen up to find out which movie novelization we'll be tearing apart next week.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Host: Luke Milton

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Epsiode 23: Richie Rich!

Occupy Mount Richmore! Let a couple of working-class slobs guide you through the confusing politics of Richie Rich, another novelization from our sworn enemy old friend Todd Strasser. If you hate fat people and love McDonald's, this is the one for you!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Epsiode 23 TEASER!

WHAT IS GOING ON?!? Where is Jess?!? Has Luke killed her? Did she finally escape? Let's see how Luke handles this by himself.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Host: Luke Milton

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Episode 22: Batman Forever!

Everyone's talking about The Dark Knight Rises, but let's get back to that classic of the Batman canon, Batman Forever. If your one complaint about the movie was that you didn't see enough of the Riddler's childhood, you're going to love this novelization! If you're a reasonably sane and intelligent human being, however, you are in for a whole lot of pain.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Episode 22 TEASER!

In this teaser episode of The Book Was Better, we ramble on about America, the Piggly Wiggly, cheques, swearing, Twitter and eventually get to revealing the ponderous tome we subjected ourselves to this week. I think it's funny? It's hard to tell, I am very tired. I know I giggled a lot.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Episode 21: Spiderman 3!

 Are you excited to see The Amazing Spiderman? Well, cool your jets, because we're here to remind you about the last Spiderman movie. OOOOOH BOOOOYYYY.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Episode 21 TEASER!

Do you feel... TINGLY? It's probably the new teaser episode of The Book Was Better creeping into your ears! Listen to it and find out what we'll be reading for your sadistic pleasure next week!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Episode 20: Super Mario Bros!

It's the podcast of the novelization of the film of the video game. It's an abomination, and it should not exist. And yet, here we are. Here we are.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Episode 20 TEASER!

For our 20th episode we've pulled out all the stops and read a book so ridiculous, so unnecessary, so emblematic of the bloated merchandising juggernaut that accompanies even the most failed films, that you will fall to your knees and cry out to the heavens, "WHY?!? Why did they make a book of that movie?!?"

We DARE you to watch it along with us. DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?!?

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Episode 19: Free Willy!

What kind of jokes do you think we made about Free Willy? Probably the most classy jokes? Maybe even too classy.

Just kidding! This episode is not too classy for anyone. It is just as awful as it always is!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Episode 19 TEASER!

Which ridiculous book and movie did we subject ourselves to this week? And what kind of insane person would make graphs about whether the books was better? Find out here!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Episode 18: Armageddon!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon out of here before they start talking about movie novelisations!

That's right, this episode tackles that patriotic classic, Armageddon. Listen as we delight in having all our terrible stereotypes about Americans confirmed (as well as some about Australians).

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Episode 18 TEASER!

You sent us packages! You emailed us! You live-tweeted your first viewing of Jurassic Park! We love you. Listen to our teaser episode and find out the terrible film (and book) we're going to stoically endure for your pleasure.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Episode 17: Jurassic Park!

THE BOOK OF THE MOVIE OF THE BOOK. The dinosaur is eating its own tail! But will the junior novelization get across the majestic herds of CGI creatures, the heart-pounding intensity of the action, and the understated Spielbergian brilliance of the imminent T-rex attack? No, of course not.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Episode 17 TEASER!

Hey, this film is great! I bet the book is going to be OH GOD A JUNIOR NOVELIZATION. What does fate have in store for us (and you) next week? Listen and find out, along with a bunch of other blathering.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Episode 16: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!

Much like Indiana Jones and his paramour Willie Scott, Luke and Jessica yell at each other a lot in this one. But you, the listener, are their beloved Short Round, and by the end of the episode they will get married and take you back to America with them. Or Jessica will stab Luke with his own Indie action figure. Listen and find out!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Episode 16 TEASER!

Do you like hats? Well, there's a hat in the movie we're going to talk about next week. Not as many hats as Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, but still. CRYPTIC!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Episode 15: Space Jam!

The 1950s had A Streetcar Named Desire. The 1960s had The Graduate. But the epoch-defining film of the 1990s has got to be SPACE JAM. This cinematic classic has a junior novelisation to match, so let Jessica and Luke whisk you away to the crazy world of 1996, when Michael Jordan quit basketball and the world wept.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Episode 15 TEASER!

This week Jess and Luke get unreasonably aggressive and demanding, but they're still loveable. Right? Well, listen to hear about the AMAZING novelization they're ripping apart next week!

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Significance of Fifth Avenue Bars in Stargate: The Evidence




Source: Candyrageous


Primary Sources


The Novel

1. ‘Chomping unconsciously on a Fifth Avenue bar, Daniel was working like a six-armed demon.’

2. Catherine packs Daniel ‘five jumbo Fifth Avenue bars.’

3. Daniel uses a Fifth Avenue bar to win the devotion of the mastadge, an ox-like creature.

4. ‘Daniel unwrapped a half melted Fifth Avenue bar and held it out, offering the man a taste... After some hesitation, he reached out, accepted the bar, and took a small bite. His worried eyes suddenly grew wide with concentration as he chewed. Then suddenly, his whole face lit up in a smile.’

5. ‘He was about to speak when the mastadge nuzzled him again in a sensitive area. Daniel quickly pulled the last Fifth Avenue bar out of his pocket.’

The Film


 Source: Stargate Wiki


Secondary Sources

Stargate fanfic story 'Fifth Avenue':
"Hey Danny. I brought something for ya." Jack pulled his backpack round and emerged with 4 rectangular objects.
"Whoa! Jack. You remembered!" he said receiving the present from Jack.
As Jack continued handing them out to Teal'c and Sam he said "How could I forget Rockboy" he grinned. Teal'c and Sam had both over the last 10 years of being SG1, been informed of all the events of the first mission. Including Daniels packing.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Episode 14: Stargate!

Stargate: decent 90s sci-fi flick or godawful desert slog? Whether you side with Jessica or Luke, you'll surely agree that the novelisation is a nightmare. Let us fill you in on some details that didn't make it into the movie, including molesting mastadges and a crucifixion scene!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Episode 14 TEASER!

This week we pat ourselves on the back for being in the top 500 podcasts!* Then we ramble on for while before revealing the Secret of Next Week's Podcast. Enjoy!

* In the TV & Film category.**
** In Australia.***
*** Sometimes. 

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Episode 13: Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium!

Number 13 is definitely bad luck for us as we explore the novelisation (AKA 'Magical Movie Novel') of the "charming" film Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Like Dustin Hoffman, we give the performance of our lives as we reveal exactly what the phrase "Oh, flapdoodle!" means.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Episode 13 TEASER!

Once again we give you the bad news: you have to watch an awful film this week so you can feel our pain. Or you can just watch the trailer. But there will be a quiz at the end of the semester.

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Episode 12: The Smurfs!

This week we tackle the pinnacle of cinematic achievement, the zenith of animated art, the high point in the fine art of substituting one word for many disparate words: The Smurfs. Smurf yourself in and get smurfy to smurf, because this smurf is smurfing smurfed!


Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Episode 12 TEASER!

Want to know what terrible, terrible film to watch this week? Listen to this barrage of nonsense and find out. And may God have mercy on your soul!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Episode 11: Alien!

In space, no-one can hear your convoluted metaphors or pompous windbaggery. Unfortunately, this isn't space. Join us as we discuss the novelisation of the classic 1979 sci-fi film Alien, which has very little about aliens but a lot about cat psychology and space brothels.

For extra credit, you can read the novelisation in comic form, drawn by an 11-year-old who hadn't seen the movie. No, I'm serious.
Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Episode 11 TEASER!

It's that time again: download this short teaser and find out what you homework is for this week! Spoiler: it's not a terrible movie! Don't worry, it is a really terrible book. Also, we tell you all about how much we love you and crave your approval. It will make you feel mighty!

Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Episode 10: Back to the Future!

WHAT IS GOING ON?!? There was an episode of BWB last week... AND NOW THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?!? Is someone messing with the space-time continuum?!? The answer is yes. We are messing with it.

Join us to discuss Luke's favourite book of all time, and find out the terrible secrets of the future that made us deliver this episode a week early!!!
Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Episode 9: Flubber!

How do write the book of a film that is 30% CGI dancing, 60% people falling over, and 10% plot? Well, first of all you make the type real big. Then you lay bare the insanity, psycho-sexual obsession, psuedo-autistic lunacy and bodily horror that is the novelisation of Flubber. Oh, the humanity!
Download here (Click to stream, right-click to save).

Hosts: Jessica McLeod and Luke Milton